Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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