someone threw a dead crab at me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
