Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
