Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
