i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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