Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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