Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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