So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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