Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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