it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
