Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
