i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Someone came in the potted fern
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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