I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
