btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
