You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
