I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Did I show you my penis last night?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
