my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
