She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
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