I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole