Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.