there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.