First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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