if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
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It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
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