So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I love you. Go after that dick
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
