Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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