If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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