Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
