Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
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Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
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Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Dicks are not precious.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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