i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
