i don't like sucking hair
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
