hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
