so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
