I am puke
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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