There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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