if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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