Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize