If i come over, it means nothing
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
