a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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