I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
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