What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
