the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
