and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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