omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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