I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
