I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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