My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
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