yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
