some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
