The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
