It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
