Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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