it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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