She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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