I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
