tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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