Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
