oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
