Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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