This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
